Finding a Balance to Conquer: An Entrepreneur with a Purpose

 I am here to share my testimony and give you an insight on my journey as a mother, step-mother, devoted wife, Christ follower and fitness entrepreneur. Finding a balance to conquer all of them is difficult. My name is Scarlett, and I am living proof that while it is difficult, it is possible.

Childhood Dreams of Fitness Competing 

   This specific blog is my testimony into my journey and struggle with fitness. My journey with fitness started well, really when I was a kid. I loved to be active and loved doing all kinds of sports. When I reached high school I would talk to my dad about nutrition. I would watch him eat all these different types of foods I did not like and that did not taste good to me. I don't think he even liked what he ate some of the time. I asked him why he would eat something that didn't taste good if he didn't really like it?  His response was that it wasn't about the taste that it was simply about having the proper fuel for his body and the health benefits the "nasty" type of foods gave him.  He would lift weights and took many vitamins. I thought it was crazy at the time. It wasn't until I started asking him questions about fitness competitions that it clicked. By my junior year in high school I had made up my mind that one day I would compete in a fitness show. He told me it would be hard work and that it could be strenuous on the body.

     As I entered college I started to workout more and more on my own in the gym. I decided I would get a trainer to help me get closer to my goal of one day doing one of these competitions., and being comfortable enough with myself to get on stage. I trained day in and day out. I even earned the nickname "Beast". No matter what my trainer threw at me I would do it, and I would do it hard. I would go to an early morning spin class and by early morning I don't mean 9 am-  it was a 4:30am spin class to get my cardio in. At that time I wasn't big on running so spinning to me was great. Sometimes I would do back to back classes.

My Sister April and I - Childhood Best Friends

Personal Training: Little to No Personal Results

     My eating was on point. When this girl is determined I am DETERMINED!!!! I was very regimented. I ONLY ate what my trainer would tell me to. I eliminated dairy, sugar, all the "fun" foods. BUT... I wasn't seeing the reults I expected to. My trainer did not understand it either. I was strong... boy was I strong. Despite that, you could not look at me and have a response like : "Yeah that girl works out." I was doing things in the gym that some of the trainers didn't do. Despite that, I didn't look the part like I thought I should. My results didn't show themselves; even with the countless hours of hard work. I continued with my workouts, changed my meals up and still didn't see the results. Because nothing was working, I became discouraged. As I was in one of my classes I started to fall asleep (sounds normal for a college student right? NOT in my case). This continued even when I was behind the wheel of my car. I knew there was something really wrong with my body. So to the doctor I went.

Cortisol Resistence: A Genetic Disorder

     My regular doctor could not find anything wrong with me. It just so happened I had my gyno check up a couple weeks later. They always do tests and I told him what was going on and how I was feeling. He decided to do a hormone panel to see if everything looked okay. The results came back and my hormones were off the charts. He then sent me to an endocrinologist. There I was expecting to find out what was wrong with me but it didn't happen. Not right away anyway. After running many tests and by process of elimination my doctor was finally able to give me an answer. I had a rare disorder called "Cortisol Resistance" Uhhhhh what??? I had heard of thyroid issues etc, but Cortisol Resistance? What was it and what did it mean for my life ahead of me?

     I soon found out that it is a rare genetic disorder where my body did not respond to the hormone itself. My brain was telling my body that I was not producing this particular hormone so to compensate it would produce even more.  I over produced double the amount of cortisol a normal person produces. When a person works out, they produce cortisol. So as you can see I was producing 3 to 5 times the amount that I should have been producing because I was working out multiple times per day, thinking I would have a better fat loss result. Cortisol is also known as the "stress hormone" so stress can bring it on as well. Doctors say to do the thing that brings you stress relief, well that would be working out but obviously that didn't help my personal issue. By over producing the cortisol no matter what I did I would have this layer of fat all over my body. I was so discouraged about the news I had just received.

Crushed Dreams 

     My fitness dreams were crushed at that very moment. I knew with this I would never achieve my fitness goals, they would never become a reality for me. This being a rare disorder and less than 200,000 people being diagnosed with it in the world there was obviously no cure nor a particular type of medicine to reduce the cortisol. Instead I was prescribed a diabetic medicine - Metforamin. I seriously had no idea if this medicine was even working. If you knew my mom you would know she is a researcher. I think she read everything that was published at that time about "Cortisol Resistance" which wasn't much. She then took me to our local health supplement store where we chatted with a lady about what was going on with me. The lady then directed us to a supplement called Phosphatidylserine. The body naturally produces this but it gets most of what it needs from food. It can improve many things in the brain. Alzheimer's disease, age decline in mental function, it can even improve the thought process in younger people, depression, ADHD, and exercise induced stress (WebMD). I decided I would give it a shot. It had to be better than taking diabetic medicine; especially when I wasn't a diabetic. I still didn't see the results I expected. I guess I thought it would make it all go away.

Self Destruction: Eating Disorder & The Importance of Accountability

      I had to face reality that it wasn't going to just go away. I became depressed and then became a victim of thoughts like "You aren't beautiful", "You are fat" , "No one could ever like or love you", "Skinny is beautiful and you will never be skinny", "Failure". This then resulted in an eating disorder. Something I was so against when I had started my fitness journey. I became addicted to throwing up. Even if it was healthy food for my body I would throw it up. I felt like I was in control. It almost made me feel like I was in control of the disorder I had. In my mind this eating disorder didn't rule over me but in all reality it ran my whole life. When someone would plan a dinner I would time from the time I swallowed the food to the time I had to throw it up so I did not ingest it. If I was at a restaurant with friends I would quietly excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I thought I was discreet about what was going on with me, but little did I know one of my best friends was on to me.

     My friend Kira also my workout partner realized what was going on and called me out on it with some women that cared about me. These women were a part of my bible study. They pleaded for me to go to counseling but I told them I could beat this on my own. Kira would check on me daily and pray for me constantly. She would sometimes cook for me while I was at her house and sit there and eat with me. Making sure I did not go to the bathroom after. I realized as she continued to check on me I found myself not wanting to lie about it. So I told her when I threw up and how many times that day I did . I went from 10 or more times a day down to 8 and so forth until I was down to one. I started to except this genetic disorder and except that I would have to find a different goal/dream to chase.

At a Scholarship Fundraiser "Inspire Me Mommy!" September 2013

Admitted I Needed Help: Power in Self Analyzation

     I realized I did need more help and that I could not beat my eating disorder on my own. Though I had accomplished not throwing up as often during the day anytime I felt stressed thats what I turned to. I still felt like that I was in control even though I was far from it. So I sought council at my church. First step was admitting to one of the pastors in my church my secret. Then he started to get down to the root of the issue. This eating disorder stemmed deeper than I thought. I had to face many dark places in my life that I had stored away thinking I would never have to visit them again if I pretended they did not exist. I realized that when I looked in the mirror I didn't see what others saw. I saw something that was ugly, broken, and useless. A woman who put a smile on her face to pretend that everything was always okay. A woman who would take on everyone else's issues and problems, but not deal with my own. Something this particular pastor told me has stuck with me. He said I was like an old wooden chair. That wooden chair had been painted many many times. Then someone (Jesus) comes a long and decides to strip the chair of the hundreds of layers of paint to get to the original look of the chair. Realizing the chair was more beautiful in its' original condition than with all of the layers of paint. I thought to myself "wow I have been hiding for so long I don't really know who I am."

Eating for Healthy, Not to be Skinny

     Fast forwarding a little bit I changed my life completely. I ate healthy to be healthy. I worked out to be healthy. I did not let working out rule my life anymore. I still struggled everyday not to throw up, but I would tell myself that I am bigger than it. I won't pretend or lie to all of you that it is not an everyday battle not to throw up. I also won't lie to you and tell you I haven't done so since this realization 4 years ago. But what I will tell you is that if I do relapse I tell someone immediately that day or the next. It has been a while now since I have had a relapse, and now I have a bigger reason than myself to be strong for. I am now married to my wonderful husband Aaron of two years who supports me in all that I do. I have a beautiful 11 year old step-daughter that I would never want her to struggle the way I did. I also now have a baby boy whom I have been blessed with even though I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. He is 16 months old now.

Hormone Regulation: Pregnancy, Hormones and a Newly Realized Identity

     Getting pregnant was a blessing and my pregnancy went smoothly. After having my son I noticed my body felt different. I was losing weight and quickly got down to my pre-pregnancy weight. The weight continued to almost melt away. It seemed like pregnancy had done something to my body to make it "normal." I started working out again to gain my strength back. I don't live at the gym but I try to be active daily. I am not addicted to the gym like I was before and I don't let bulimia run my life. My dreams and goals of being on stage in a bikini competition are back on my list. It will not be a life style but something I would like to accomplish. I don't know how being pregnant reversed everything nor do I know if it will last. What I  do know is that I am living a healthier life all the way around.

Affirmations: Discovering your Truth and True Beauty

     What I want to say is that even if you don't look fit that doesn't mean you are not healthy or fit. It DOES NOT mean you are not beautiful. A person who is skinny does not mean they are fit or healthy. Also if you struggle with an eating disorder I plead you to get help. I know it is hard especially when it has become a routine or your safety net. Large, medium, or small. Pear shaped, box shaped, or apple shaped, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Scars or no scars, small breasts or big breasts YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No butt or big butt...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I challenge each reader that reads this to look in the mirror on a daily basis for a week and tell yourself 5 things that is great about you and after that tell yourself YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL or handsome if you are a guy :) I know men struggle just as much as woman do with their image. That's it for this blog. More to come soon. Thanks for reading and remember 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. 

There is power in affirmations.

Being a Step-Mommy/Mommy is Such a Blessing

            There are so many blessings in this world and in my life and I am about to experience another one. I am pregnant with Aaron and I’s first child together. I am almost 16 weeks and I have had a pretty easy first trimester.  I had heard all the horror stories of being pregnant but so far so good. We had not planned on getting pregnant so early but we did and we are very excited.

                                         This is Baby Blackwell at 10 almost 11 weeks...

Aaron and most of his family are hoping for a little boy. Grace is hoping for a little girl. She says she has too many brothers at her mom’s house and she would love to have a baby sister. Although she says that the other day she was talking with her Grandma Diane and her grandma was asking her what she wanted the baby to be. Grace’s response was that it is God’s will and whatever God wants to bless our family with. I am so proud of my little Grace. She is growing so much in her faith and it is so beautiful to be able to share this with her. I know she is going to be a great example for her brother or sister to look up to. I know the baby as it gets older will be able to go to Grace and Grace will be able to help the baby out. We have such a beautiful family. I have such a beautiful daughter and I have been very blessed to have her in my life.

In the bible it says in Psalms 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. I am grateful and so very thankful to be blessed with a child of my own.  I know a few of my friends right now who have been working on getting pregnant with their loved ones. I pray each day that they are able to. I know whether or not they are able to bare kids they will be blessed by the Lord with a child one way or the other.

Before I was pregnant I did not think I wanted to ever bring a child into this world. Everything that I have had to go through growing up and what I have seen around me I thought would not be okay for a child to go through. So I did not want to be responsible for doing that to an innocent child. At this time I was not where I am now in my walk with Christ and I had also been told it would be really difficult for to have children of my own because of some medical issues that had come up about 5 years ago. Now that I am seeing the gospel in a different light and seeing the struggles that I once went through and how they have Glorified God I am okay and excited to bring a child to experience the relationship with Jesus.  Before I was planning my life out and now I have realized I am not in control of my life. God’s plan is far better than the one I could come up with for my life. God has not done a crappy job yet. So I think I will continue to trust Him. Well that is all for now. I will keep everyone posted.

God's Glory Reigns through Death

**The names in this story are not the actual names**


I attend a local church in my community. 2011 was a year of many trials throughout my city. Some I know personally and others have happened in the city I live in. I have seen people come and go in the church this past year. I have friends that have stepped foot in the church and found God.

There is one particular guy that I have known for over 13 years now. For privacy purposes we will call him "Jack". I never thought our paths would cross again years later in church. His coming to church wasn't waking up one Sunday and thinking that, that is where he wanted to be on Sunday. He was introduced to church by someone he dearly loves, someone he was really close to...his brother. We will call his brother "Bill".

"Bill" started going to church and dedicated his life to God. He was the only one in his family who attended church and was a Christian. When I had conversations with "Bill" I could see God shining through him. He was on fire for God. One conversation I had with "Bill" was about his brother "Jack" and "Bill's" girlfriend "Jill". He said he wish they could see God the way he saw him. He wanted them to come to church and give it a try. A couple months after having these conversations with "Bill" he passed and joined his Father in heaven. His death was sudden and unexpected. But "Bill" did not die in vain. "Jill" started coming to church and realized the truth. She was soon baptized. I thought it was amazing that God used one death to bring another to church until God revealed something greater...
I started to see "Jack" at church. I was so excited for him, for "Bill" knowing that the one wish he had was coming true. About a month ago I witnessed "Jack" take communion. I couldn't help but cry. It was such a beautiful thing and I was able to see it. God was working in "Jack's" life even after a tragedy. Last weekend I was attending church and saw another beautiful thing God did. "Jack" and Bill's" mom and sister were at church.



My heart has a soft spot for "Jack" because years ago when we were in the 6th grade I lost my father to cancer. It tore me to pieces and I felt so alone. I was at a nearby park in our neighborhood that "Jack" and I both lived in. I was sitting by myself on the slide thinking and crying. I was missing my dad and did not understand why he was gone. That is when "Jack" was walking by. He saw me and climbed up and sat next to me. He asked if I was upset about my dad and I told him yes. I explained how I was feeling and he just hugged me and told me that my dad was no longer in pain and that he is now in a better place. After all these years I have never forgotten that.


I now look back and can see how God was working through "Jack" then. Though we were just kids God was working. It was through two major deaths in two different lives that God worked them to His Glory. May "Bill" rest in peace and God's glory continue to reign.


I never have told "Jack" that I am thankful and grateful for what he had done for me all those years ago. It goes to show a small thoughtful gesture goes a long way. I hope one day I can tell "Jack" this story and give him a proper thank you.

Faith Will Prevail Through All!

I was on my way to work this morning and as I was driving I was thinking about all the people who are in my life. The different struggles each one has in their life and how they face them. Some are Christians and some are non-believers and well some are just confused about all of it. I think a lot of people look at Christianity as an easier life. Let's face the facts here. Just because one has faith in the Lord does not mean life will be easier and there won't be any struggles. We learn to face them differently is all.

A dear friend of mine is a Christian but right now she is faced with sitting by her husbands side as he waits to meet Jesus. She is okay with that because she knows he knows Jesus and he is ready. Her Faith in God shines even through her heartache.
Then there is (for privacy purposes we will call in Mike). Mike is more of an acquaintance. This year Mike and his family have had curve ball after curve ball thrown at him. Now, the latest one is watching his baby girl fight for her life against cancer. He feels like he has nothing left in him that he is completely depleted. I am not sure where Mike's beliefs are but from what I know he doesn't believe. Though he feels alone in all of this what he doesn't realize is God is right next to him catching every tear and holding his little girl in His arms. Prayers go up for them on a daily basis. May this Christmas season be an awakening for them all. I know his little girl is a fighter and she will continue to fight as long as she can. Then you come across those people who are having hardships in their lives whether it be in their marriage or in their home life. The Faith that some have that God will redeem their marriage and know that God is that powerful no matter how bad things may get is such a beautiful thing. It has made me think about how I would feel if I were in that kind of situation. It is a true test of love and Faith.

Then there is B. She has recently come to know Jesus. It has been amazing adventure to see her grow the way she has. I think back to when she would hear me blab on about my Faith and she listened but for her it wasn't anything great. Hearing her testimony that God came to her and she didn't come to Him is mind boggling. She gets it. It brings tears to my eyes. To see how God is a healer and a redeemer! AMAZING!!!!!

So being a Christian isn't easy nor does it mean all your problems will go away. You also may get hurt by other Christians sometimes too because being a Christian doesn't make anyone perfect nor good. Non of us are good, we are filthy and continue to sin everyday. But the Faith that Jesus Christ bared all that on the cross because He knew we never could is a blessing!!!! Where does your Faith lye? Is your glass half empty or half full?  What are you living for???
Until Next Time...

Who says Blended Families Can't Work?

A little over a month ago I stepped into my "Big Girl Shoes". It's crazy looking at life from the perspective I am now in.( I had respect for my step-dad before but now it is on another level!) In just that little time my whole life has changed. I no longer worry about just me, my first concern is my husband and my new daughter and their well being (oh and our little Candy too). Of course there are some highlights and some low lights as there is in all families. I will go ahead and start with the low lights...

I feel like our family is so busy I cannot wait for life to slow down a little bit. Though I do not see that happening considering the holidays are quickly approaching. But every week there is something, a practice, a meeting of some sort, or trying to fit fellowship in with friends along with family time as well. I am a great multi-tasker but trying to fit everything and everyone into our schedule has become an interesting thing to accomplish! My hubby has been great through it all. Poor guy he is used to things being a certain way and well lately it hasn’t been able to be achieved. He too is making a huge adjustment. Living with another woman in the house can't be easy. In this new chapter there are many highlights as well...

I love enjoying the moments at the end of the day when I get to see my husband. It is well worth the busyness of the day. Getting to see him every night is more than I could have asked for but knowing I am going to wake up next to him in the morning is even better. As much as I look forward to our alone time I get anxious about Wednesdays when we are blessed with Grace's presence. It's so nice to spend family time together. Seeing Grace's smiling face when I come home makes everything feel complete. She is so funny, even when she isn't trying to be. It's great to see her growing into a beautiful girl of God. She has started praying at every meal and we all get on our knees before bed to pray. It is so sweet who and what she remembers to pray for. Also, the way she looks at her daddy makes my heart smile. It's like she sees him as her hero or her knight and shining armor. I am glad we can share him :)

In all of this seeing God heal relationships around us has been extraordinary, especially relationships in my husband’s life. Relationships he cares greatly about, some he thought were lost forever. In fact God has done healing in one particular relationship. We were even invited to attend to celebrate their birthday with them over the weekend. Seeing him smile like he did when we were there is still captured in my head. God can heal all things if one just let's Him in. Praise Jesus!

I know there will be struggles in the future but I am handing everything over to God. Remember communication is the KEY to EVERY relationship. Be open, honest, and embrace what is said instead of shutting down. You will make it through if you put your trust in Him.

Until next time...

Young, Married, and being a Step-mom...

Today you see various families. Some are high school sweet hearts that settled and had a family. Others are mixed in one way or another. Well the new chapter in my life looks like this...

I am 23 years old. I have married the love of my life but he is 15 years older than me. He does have a daughter from a previous marriage and she is 9 years old. I never imagined that my life would look like this picture. I imagined the "normal" life style. At first getting used to the idea that I was younger than him and he had a kid was no big deal. Then I started thinking who will I relate to? Will there be anyone my age in the same position as I? None of my friends had married anyone older than them nor had they married anyone that already had a child. God works in crazy ways. 4 months before I was married I met a girl named Nicolle. She married her husband in July 2011. She is a few years older than me but her husband is also a bit older, previously married and he has two kids. One that is currently living with them. The other lives with her mother. Then there is Anneke. She is a few years younger than I and just married her husband in Aug 2011. She married a man 10 years older than her who was divorced and had a kid. The best part is they both believe in God.

Sharing my feelings with the woman and being able to relate made me feel that I wasn't alone. I am able to ask what they are going through and vice versa. God is truly working in all of our lives, and becoming the woman He wants us to be so we can lead our new children by example. But not only that, being able to be the best Godly wife for our husbands. I know that things will not always be a smooth ride and children soon turn into teenagers but I know that if your life is devoted and pointed at the cross God will help get you through the tough times.

It is amazing the work I have been seeing lately in the lives around me. He is healer, He is a father, and He is a forgiver. I must praise Him for that. It is one thing to see it happen in your own life but when you have the blessing to see it front and center in a young girl’s life, or a best friend's life it is something a person can't explain. The best word that comes to mind is Miraculous. That is what He is. I am thankful that He has put the people in my life that I can relate to and dive into the gospel with.