Balance between Exercise and Rest

Being Balanced

Balance. What does that mean? The definition in the dictionary says this: a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc. But in everyday life  it can mean so many things but finding balance between exercise and rest is hard to do when you love to exercise. Sometimes we can ignore what our bodies are telling us. I as a fitness coach love what I do and do what I love. But that being said I am not always the best at slowing down when I know I need to.

I was recently forced to slow down and actually put my exercising at a halt. I was so bugged by the news for two reasons. First as I said I had to STOP exercising for four weeks. Second I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time. You are probably wondering what made me slow down. I was having awful pain in my abdomen. We were unsure what it was. I went to the ER and had many tests ran on me. There are only so many they can do while you are pregnant. The doctors had decided it must be my appendix. So  I went into emergency surgery to get my appendix taken out. I was more scared that I would lose my baby then my appendix. So after undergoing this surgery I still did not know if my baby was okay. They would not give me an ultra sound because they said I was not far enough along to save the baby even if something did happen to him/her. But that's another story. Anyway here I was laying in this hospital bed wondering when I would get to go home and get back to working out and coaching. The doc came in to release me two days later and told me I was unable to workout or coach for 4 weeks. I was in shock. I felt fine. A little sore but nothing I couldn't handle. I asked him why I had to wait so long. There were many reasons but I still left a little depressed that day. I thought to myself okay 4 weeks. It will go by fast not a big deal. By the fourth day I was crawling out of my skin. The doc also told me I couldn't carry or pick up my toddler for 4 weeks. Easy for him to say. Let's just say that lasted maybe two days. My son (whom is 2) did not understand why mommy couldn't hold him. He understood that I had an ouchie but did not comprehend that that ouchie made it hard for me to hold and cuddle him. As a mom I gave in. I was careful but probably wasn't a good idea.

As much as I dreaded keeping it low key for four weeks it made me really think about how often do I slow down and let my body truly rest? I started realizing quickly that I don't rest much. As a stay at home mom, fitness coach, and restless sleeper I don't get much rest. Now being pregnant with my second I most definitely don't get much rest. But I feel as if this happened to me for a reason. The main reason is to show me I need to listen to my body and not over do it. I will usually push through whatever pain I have to get things done and to get a good workout in. This time I need to put my own needs aside and put my little baby first. This is a hard lesson to learn but it was a much needed one. For now I will snuggle with my son and enjoy the one on one time I have left with him. I can't wait to meet the newest addition.

Juggling Two Littles and Expecting the Third

Juggling Two Littles and Expecting a New One...

I love my job of being a mommy, But when I found out the surprise news of having another my heart sank. I thought to myself... How will I do with three? Especially three under the age of four years old and two of the kids under the age of two. I am now going to be out numbered on a daily basis. This scared me and honestly put me into panic mode. All of these awful thoughts came pouring over me. Will I be a good mom to all of them? Will I be able to keep my cool when it's "One of those days?" Will I ever have "Me" time again? As I processed these questions it then hit me... I can do this and I will do this just as so many women before me have. I don't deny that it will be hard and exhausting and that some days I will want to pull my hair out but the greatest gift of all is the gift of being a mom. How blessed am I that God chose me to birth and be home with three beautiful children. 

Being Pregnant and all things that come with it...

My first pregnancy with my son Liam went so smoothly. I had a little bit of morning sickness at the beginning but overall the whole pregnancy was a breeze. I craved fruit and veggies the whole pregnancy until the end. Then all I wanted was ice cream. But I kept my weight gain down to 27lbs. Of course at the end I was ready to be done but who isn't at that point. There were a couple of bumps along the way but nothing that I couldn't handle. We did a gender reveal baby shower where we indeed found out it was a boy we were having. My husband thought for sure it was going to be a girl but I knew that I was carrying a boy. Even my birthing experience was pretty awesome. I had music playing, lots of friends and family surrounding me and my biggest support my hubby there right by my side. I was able to get my son out in three pushes. His apgar was a 9 and we were home in the after the normal two day stay.

My second Pregnancy was also a pretty easy pregnancy. Though with this pregnancy I had major hip pain, was exhausted from chasing a toddler, and I showed early on. I worked out the whole time, in fact I did Kaia until the day before I went into labor with my daughter. With her there was no morning sickness but ALL I wanted were sweets. The experience was completely opposite of my first pregnancy. Even the delivery was different. I didn't have music this time around, my doctor didn't believe I was in labour and decided to leave the hospital for hours after I was admitted. After I was dilated to a 10 I had to wait to push until he came back and he didn't come alone. He had two students with him. He was on vacation when I delivered my first child so he wasn't aware how fast I could get my baby out. He asked me to push and I did and she was almost out in ONE push. He asked me to slow down because he wasn't ready. The awesome thing was he did let me deliver her and that was pretty amazing. We did not get to go home in the normal two days like we did with Liam. Harper had some breathing issues when she was born but we were thankful her pediatrician was on call that night and was able to see her right away. Harper wouldn't breathe on her own if she wasn't stimulated which was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed. I felt helpless and seeing nurses have to work on your daughter to get her to breathe and force tubes down her is an experience I wish upon no parent. She was sent home with a sleep apnea machine that would beep loudly every time she would stop. A year later she is doing great and is growing beautifully. 

This pregnancy I have been quite tired and sick. I have had migraines that have put me in bed for the rest of the day. I am grumpy and my patience is tested and very short most of the time. I am still exercising religiously and still coaching girls through their fitness journey. My hope for this pregnancy is that I can still be the fun mom that my kids know and love and not be so grumpy. So far nothing has worked to make my migraines go away. But I am entering my second trimester next week so I am hoping they will subside for good. My goal for this pregnancy is to continue to workout like I did with Harper and work on keeping my muscle mass. We will see how it goes. What are your tricks for staying healthy and being a mom of littles while pregnant? I would love to hear from you! If you want to follow my progress and get fitness tips check out my FB page The Diary of a Fitness Mom. 

That's it for now...stay tuned for my next post....

Finding a Balance to Conquer: An Entrepreneur with a Purpose

 I am here to share my testimony and give you an insight on my journey as a mother, step-mother, devoted wife, Christ follower and fitness entrepreneur. Finding a balance to conquer all of them is difficult. My name is Scarlett, and I am living proof that while it is difficult, it is possible.

Childhood Dreams of Fitness Competing 

   This specific blog is my testimony into my journey and struggle with fitness. My journey with fitness started well, really when I was a kid. I loved to be active and loved doing all kinds of sports. When I reached high school I would talk to my dad about nutrition. I would watch him eat all these different types of foods I did not like and that did not taste good to me. I don't think he even liked what he ate some of the time. I asked him why he would eat something that didn't taste good if he didn't really like it?  His response was that it wasn't about the taste that it was simply about having the proper fuel for his body and the health benefits the "nasty" type of foods gave him.  He would lift weights and took many vitamins. I thought it was crazy at the time. It wasn't until I started asking him questions about fitness competitions that it clicked. By my junior year in high school I had made up my mind that one day I would compete in a fitness show. He told me it would be hard work and that it could be strenuous on the body.

     As I entered college I started to workout more and more on my own in the gym. I decided I would get a trainer to help me get closer to my goal of one day doing one of these competitions., and being comfortable enough with myself to get on stage. I trained day in and day out. I even earned the nickname "Beast". No matter what my trainer threw at me I would do it, and I would do it hard. I would go to an early morning spin class and by early morning I don't mean 9 am-  it was a 4:30am spin class to get my cardio in. At that time I wasn't big on running so spinning to me was great. Sometimes I would do back to back classes.

My Sister April and I - Childhood Best Friends

Personal Training: Little to No Personal Results

     My eating was on point. When this girl is determined I am DETERMINED!!!! I was very regimented. I ONLY ate what my trainer would tell me to. I eliminated dairy, sugar, all the "fun" foods. BUT... I wasn't seeing the reults I expected to. My trainer did not understand it either. I was strong... boy was I strong. Despite that, you could not look at me and have a response like : "Yeah that girl works out." I was doing things in the gym that some of the trainers didn't do. Despite that, I didn't look the part like I thought I should. My results didn't show themselves; even with the countless hours of hard work. I continued with my workouts, changed my meals up and still didn't see the results. Because nothing was working, I became discouraged. As I was in one of my classes I started to fall asleep (sounds normal for a college student right? NOT in my case). This continued even when I was behind the wheel of my car. I knew there was something really wrong with my body. So to the doctor I went.

Cortisol Resistence: A Genetic Disorder

     My regular doctor could not find anything wrong with me. It just so happened I had my gyno check up a couple weeks later. They always do tests and I told him what was going on and how I was feeling. He decided to do a hormone panel to see if everything looked okay. The results came back and my hormones were off the charts. He then sent me to an endocrinologist. There I was expecting to find out what was wrong with me but it didn't happen. Not right away anyway. After running many tests and by process of elimination my doctor was finally able to give me an answer. I had a rare disorder called "Cortisol Resistance" Uhhhhh what??? I had heard of thyroid issues etc, but Cortisol Resistance? What was it and what did it mean for my life ahead of me?

     I soon found out that it is a rare genetic disorder where my body did not respond to the hormone itself. My brain was telling my body that I was not producing this particular hormone so to compensate it would produce even more.  I over produced double the amount of cortisol a normal person produces. When a person works out, they produce cortisol. So as you can see I was producing 3 to 5 times the amount that I should have been producing because I was working out multiple times per day, thinking I would have a better fat loss result. Cortisol is also known as the "stress hormone" so stress can bring it on as well. Doctors say to do the thing that brings you stress relief, well that would be working out but obviously that didn't help my personal issue. By over producing the cortisol no matter what I did I would have this layer of fat all over my body. I was so discouraged about the news I had just received.

Crushed Dreams 

     My fitness dreams were crushed at that very moment. I knew with this I would never achieve my fitness goals, they would never become a reality for me. This being a rare disorder and less than 200,000 people being diagnosed with it in the world there was obviously no cure nor a particular type of medicine to reduce the cortisol. Instead I was prescribed a diabetic medicine - Metforamin. I seriously had no idea if this medicine was even working. If you knew my mom you would know she is a researcher. I think she read everything that was published at that time about "Cortisol Resistance" which wasn't much. She then took me to our local health supplement store where we chatted with a lady about what was going on with me. The lady then directed us to a supplement called Phosphatidylserine. The body naturally produces this but it gets most of what it needs from food. It can improve many things in the brain. Alzheimer's disease, age decline in mental function, it can even improve the thought process in younger people, depression, ADHD, and exercise induced stress (WebMD). I decided I would give it a shot. It had to be better than taking diabetic medicine; especially when I wasn't a diabetic. I still didn't see the results I expected. I guess I thought it would make it all go away.

Self Destruction: Eating Disorder & The Importance of Accountability

      I had to face reality that it wasn't going to just go away. I became depressed and then became a victim of thoughts like "You aren't beautiful", "You are fat" , "No one could ever like or love you", "Skinny is beautiful and you will never be skinny", "Failure". This then resulted in an eating disorder. Something I was so against when I had started my fitness journey. I became addicted to throwing up. Even if it was healthy food for my body I would throw it up. I felt like I was in control. It almost made me feel like I was in control of the disorder I had. In my mind this eating disorder didn't rule over me but in all reality it ran my whole life. When someone would plan a dinner I would time from the time I swallowed the food to the time I had to throw it up so I did not ingest it. If I was at a restaurant with friends I would quietly excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I thought I was discreet about what was going on with me, but little did I know one of my best friends was on to me.

     My friend Kira also my workout partner realized what was going on and called me out on it with some women that cared about me. These women were a part of my bible study. They pleaded for me to go to counseling but I told them I could beat this on my own. Kira would check on me daily and pray for me constantly. She would sometimes cook for me while I was at her house and sit there and eat with me. Making sure I did not go to the bathroom after. I realized as she continued to check on me I found myself not wanting to lie about it. So I told her when I threw up and how many times that day I did . I went from 10 or more times a day down to 8 and so forth until I was down to one. I started to except this genetic disorder and except that I would have to find a different goal/dream to chase.

At a Scholarship Fundraiser "Inspire Me Mommy!" September 2013

Admitted I Needed Help: Power in Self Analyzation

     I realized I did need more help and that I could not beat my eating disorder on my own. Though I had accomplished not throwing up as often during the day anytime I felt stressed thats what I turned to. I still felt like that I was in control even though I was far from it. So I sought council at my church. First step was admitting to one of the pastors in my church my secret. Then he started to get down to the root of the issue. This eating disorder stemmed deeper than I thought. I had to face many dark places in my life that I had stored away thinking I would never have to visit them again if I pretended they did not exist. I realized that when I looked in the mirror I didn't see what others saw. I saw something that was ugly, broken, and useless. A woman who put a smile on her face to pretend that everything was always okay. A woman who would take on everyone else's issues and problems, but not deal with my own. Something this particular pastor told me has stuck with me. He said I was like an old wooden chair. That wooden chair had been painted many many times. Then someone (Jesus) comes a long and decides to strip the chair of the hundreds of layers of paint to get to the original look of the chair. Realizing the chair was more beautiful in its' original condition than with all of the layers of paint. I thought to myself "wow I have been hiding for so long I don't really know who I am."

Eating for Healthy, Not to be Skinny

     Fast forwarding a little bit I changed my life completely. I ate healthy to be healthy. I worked out to be healthy. I did not let working out rule my life anymore. I still struggled everyday not to throw up, but I would tell myself that I am bigger than it. I won't pretend or lie to all of you that it is not an everyday battle not to throw up. I also won't lie to you and tell you I haven't done so since this realization 4 years ago. But what I will tell you is that if I do relapse I tell someone immediately that day or the next. It has been a while now since I have had a relapse, and now I have a bigger reason than myself to be strong for. I am now married to my wonderful husband Aaron of two years who supports me in all that I do. I have a beautiful 11 year old step-daughter that I would never want her to struggle the way I did. I also now have a baby boy whom I have been blessed with even though I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. He is 16 months old now.

Hormone Regulation: Pregnancy, Hormones and a Newly Realized Identity

     Getting pregnant was a blessing and my pregnancy went smoothly. After having my son I noticed my body felt different. I was losing weight and quickly got down to my pre-pregnancy weight. The weight continued to almost melt away. It seemed like pregnancy had done something to my body to make it "normal." I started working out again to gain my strength back. I don't live at the gym but I try to be active daily. I am not addicted to the gym like I was before and I don't let bulimia run my life. My dreams and goals of being on stage in a bikini competition are back on my list. It will not be a life style but something I would like to accomplish. I don't know how being pregnant reversed everything nor do I know if it will last. What I  do know is that I am living a healthier life all the way around.

Affirmations: Discovering your Truth and True Beauty

     What I want to say is that even if you don't look fit that doesn't mean you are not healthy or fit. It DOES NOT mean you are not beautiful. A person who is skinny does not mean they are fit or healthy. Also if you struggle with an eating disorder I plead you to get help. I know it is hard especially when it has become a routine or your safety net. Large, medium, or small. Pear shaped, box shaped, or apple shaped, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Scars or no scars, small breasts or big breasts YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No butt or big butt...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I challenge each reader that reads this to look in the mirror on a daily basis for a week and tell yourself 5 things that is great about you and after that tell yourself YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL or handsome if you are a guy :) I know men struggle just as much as woman do with their image. That's it for this blog. More to come soon. Thanks for reading and remember 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. 

There is power in affirmations.

Being a Step-Mommy/Mommy is Such a Blessing

            There are so many blessings in this world and in my life and I am about to experience another one. I am pregnant with Aaron and I’s first child together. I am almost 16 weeks and I have had a pretty easy first trimester.  I had heard all the horror stories of being pregnant but so far so good. We had not planned on getting pregnant so early but we did and we are very excited.

                                         This is Baby Blackwell at 10 almost 11 weeks...

Aaron and most of his family are hoping for a little boy. Grace is hoping for a little girl. She says she has too many brothers at her mom’s house and she would love to have a baby sister. Although she says that the other day she was talking with her Grandma Diane and her grandma was asking her what she wanted the baby to be. Grace’s response was that it is God’s will and whatever God wants to bless our family with. I am so proud of my little Grace. She is growing so much in her faith and it is so beautiful to be able to share this with her. I know she is going to be a great example for her brother or sister to look up to. I know the baby as it gets older will be able to go to Grace and Grace will be able to help the baby out. We have such a beautiful family. I have such a beautiful daughter and I have been very blessed to have her in my life.

In the bible it says in Psalms 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. I am grateful and so very thankful to be blessed with a child of my own.  I know a few of my friends right now who have been working on getting pregnant with their loved ones. I pray each day that they are able to. I know whether or not they are able to bare kids they will be blessed by the Lord with a child one way or the other.

Before I was pregnant I did not think I wanted to ever bring a child into this world. Everything that I have had to go through growing up and what I have seen around me I thought would not be okay for a child to go through. So I did not want to be responsible for doing that to an innocent child. At this time I was not where I am now in my walk with Christ and I had also been told it would be really difficult for to have children of my own because of some medical issues that had come up about 5 years ago. Now that I am seeing the gospel in a different light and seeing the struggles that I once went through and how they have Glorified God I am okay and excited to bring a child to experience the relationship with Jesus.  Before I was planning my life out and now I have realized I am not in control of my life. God’s plan is far better than the one I could come up with for my life. God has not done a crappy job yet. So I think I will continue to trust Him. Well that is all for now. I will keep everyone posted.

God's Glory Reigns through Death

**The names in this story are not the actual names**


I attend a local church in my community. 2011 was a year of many trials throughout my city. Some I know personally and others have happened in the city I live in. I have seen people come and go in the church this past year. I have friends that have stepped foot in the church and found God.

There is one particular guy that I have known for over 13 years now. For privacy purposes we will call him "Jack". I never thought our paths would cross again years later in church. His coming to church wasn't waking up one Sunday and thinking that, that is where he wanted to be on Sunday. He was introduced to church by someone he dearly loves, someone he was really close to...his brother. We will call his brother "Bill".

"Bill" started going to church and dedicated his life to God. He was the only one in his family who attended church and was a Christian. When I had conversations with "Bill" I could see God shining through him. He was on fire for God. One conversation I had with "Bill" was about his brother "Jack" and "Bill's" girlfriend "Jill". He said he wish they could see God the way he saw him. He wanted them to come to church and give it a try. A couple months after having these conversations with "Bill" he passed and joined his Father in heaven. His death was sudden and unexpected. But "Bill" did not die in vain. "Jill" started coming to church and realized the truth. She was soon baptized. I thought it was amazing that God used one death to bring another to church until God revealed something greater...
I started to see "Jack" at church. I was so excited for him, for "Bill" knowing that the one wish he had was coming true. About a month ago I witnessed "Jack" take communion. I couldn't help but cry. It was such a beautiful thing and I was able to see it. God was working in "Jack's" life even after a tragedy. Last weekend I was attending church and saw another beautiful thing God did. "Jack" and Bill's" mom and sister were at church.



My heart has a soft spot for "Jack" because years ago when we were in the 6th grade I lost my father to cancer. It tore me to pieces and I felt so alone. I was at a nearby park in our neighborhood that "Jack" and I both lived in. I was sitting by myself on the slide thinking and crying. I was missing my dad and did not understand why he was gone. That is when "Jack" was walking by. He saw me and climbed up and sat next to me. He asked if I was upset about my dad and I told him yes. I explained how I was feeling and he just hugged me and told me that my dad was no longer in pain and that he is now in a better place. After all these years I have never forgotten that.


I now look back and can see how God was working through "Jack" then. Though we were just kids God was working. It was through two major deaths in two different lives that God worked them to His Glory. May "Bill" rest in peace and God's glory continue to reign.


I never have told "Jack" that I am thankful and grateful for what he had done for me all those years ago. It goes to show a small thoughtful gesture goes a long way. I hope one day I can tell "Jack" this story and give him a proper thank you.

Faith Will Prevail Through All!

I was on my way to work this morning and as I was driving I was thinking about all the people who are in my life. The different struggles each one has in their life and how they face them. Some are Christians and some are non-believers and well some are just confused about all of it. I think a lot of people look at Christianity as an easier life. Let's face the facts here. Just because one has faith in the Lord does not mean life will be easier and there won't be any struggles. We learn to face them differently is all.

A dear friend of mine is a Christian but right now she is faced with sitting by her husbands side as he waits to meet Jesus. She is okay with that because she knows he knows Jesus and he is ready. Her Faith in God shines even through her heartache.
Then there is (for privacy purposes we will call in Mike). Mike is more of an acquaintance. This year Mike and his family have had curve ball after curve ball thrown at him. Now, the latest one is watching his baby girl fight for her life against cancer. He feels like he has nothing left in him that he is completely depleted. I am not sure where Mike's beliefs are but from what I know he doesn't believe. Though he feels alone in all of this what he doesn't realize is God is right next to him catching every tear and holding his little girl in His arms. Prayers go up for them on a daily basis. May this Christmas season be an awakening for them all. I know his little girl is a fighter and she will continue to fight as long as she can. Then you come across those people who are having hardships in their lives whether it be in their marriage or in their home life. The Faith that some have that God will redeem their marriage and know that God is that powerful no matter how bad things may get is such a beautiful thing. It has made me think about how I would feel if I were in that kind of situation. It is a true test of love and Faith.

Then there is B. She has recently come to know Jesus. It has been amazing adventure to see her grow the way she has. I think back to when she would hear me blab on about my Faith and she listened but for her it wasn't anything great. Hearing her testimony that God came to her and she didn't come to Him is mind boggling. She gets it. It brings tears to my eyes. To see how God is a healer and a redeemer! AMAZING!!!!!

So being a Christian isn't easy nor does it mean all your problems will go away. You also may get hurt by other Christians sometimes too because being a Christian doesn't make anyone perfect nor good. Non of us are good, we are filthy and continue to sin everyday. But the Faith that Jesus Christ bared all that on the cross because He knew we never could is a blessing!!!! Where does your Faith lye? Is your glass half empty or half full?  What are you living for???
Until Next Time...

Who says Blended Families Can't Work?

A little over a month ago I stepped into my "Big Girl Shoes". It's crazy looking at life from the perspective I am now in.( I had respect for my step-dad before but now it is on another level!) In just that little time my whole life has changed. I no longer worry about just me, my first concern is my husband and my new daughter and their well being (oh and our little Candy too). Of course there are some highlights and some low lights as there is in all families. I will go ahead and start with the low lights...

I feel like our family is so busy I cannot wait for life to slow down a little bit. Though I do not see that happening considering the holidays are quickly approaching. But every week there is something, a practice, a meeting of some sort, or trying to fit fellowship in with friends along with family time as well. I am a great multi-tasker but trying to fit everything and everyone into our schedule has become an interesting thing to accomplish! My hubby has been great through it all. Poor guy he is used to things being a certain way and well lately it hasn’t been able to be achieved. He too is making a huge adjustment. Living with another woman in the house can't be easy. In this new chapter there are many highlights as well...

I love enjoying the moments at the end of the day when I get to see my husband. It is well worth the busyness of the day. Getting to see him every night is more than I could have asked for but knowing I am going to wake up next to him in the morning is even better. As much as I look forward to our alone time I get anxious about Wednesdays when we are blessed with Grace's presence. It's so nice to spend family time together. Seeing Grace's smiling face when I come home makes everything feel complete. She is so funny, even when she isn't trying to be. It's great to see her growing into a beautiful girl of God. She has started praying at every meal and we all get on our knees before bed to pray. It is so sweet who and what she remembers to pray for. Also, the way she looks at her daddy makes my heart smile. It's like she sees him as her hero or her knight and shining armor. I am glad we can share him :)

In all of this seeing God heal relationships around us has been extraordinary, especially relationships in my husband’s life. Relationships he cares greatly about, some he thought were lost forever. In fact God has done healing in one particular relationship. We were even invited to attend to celebrate their birthday with them over the weekend. Seeing him smile like he did when we were there is still captured in my head. God can heal all things if one just let's Him in. Praise Jesus!

I know there will be struggles in the future but I am handing everything over to God. Remember communication is the KEY to EVERY relationship. Be open, honest, and embrace what is said instead of shutting down. You will make it through if you put your trust in Him.

Until next time...